Poetry VI – I want to be free

Often, I scream, I got no one. Yeah,no one . No one to share my joy , no one to feel my pain. I know that’s a total lie. Haahh, I know there are people who would listen to me without single complain but what if they end up reckoning and believing something which is not true. Maybe, they are a good listener but that doesn’t make them a good empath . So, I choose to draw lines between me and them . Here ,I try my best to put those thoughts in words, I hope you enjoy the read…

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Tell me the problem, I’ll find you a solution.
Ever want to speak, come to me.
No, the problem isn’t that I don’t have anyone to listen to.
The problem is that I just don’t want to speak to them.
The problem isn’t that I have no friends .
The problem is that I’ve created a boundary between me and them.
It’s like being on a journey with no destination.

I neither want to live, nor I want to die.
I neither want to be alone, nor I need anyone’s company.
I can neither accept anyone’s love , nor can I let anyone hate me.
I can neither forget those sweet memories that I treasure,
Nor can I get rid of that scary fear of not succeeding in the future.
It’s really getting harder now.
How long will I say , it’s just difficult not impossible.
How long ? Just , how long?

I have got two choices.
Either to love myself and lose everyone.
Or to lose myself and love everyone else.
But the fact is that both aren’t possible.
I can neither lose myself nor can I love myself.

Ooo, neither I want to win nor I want to lose.
I just want to be free.
I want to be free from the so-called definition of right and wrong.
I want to be free from the boundaries that I and they have created for me.
I want to be free by accepting and overcoming my flaws and fears…..

I often hear my mum saying this quote from ‘Gita’ “कालः सर्वं विरोपयति” (time heals everything) . C’mon, how can I deny this? So here, I say, it’s just difficult but not impossible. People are there for you when you need them , atleast there’s someone. All you need to do is to recognise them and wipe out the boundaries which you’ve created between you and them . You need to free yourself from the thoughts which have been holding you back. Here, I go again, it’s just difficult but not impossible…...

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  People will listen you….

-Aanchal Parmar