Poetry-VIII Silent Tears

I close my eyes hoping I could see you
But I end up travelling in memories
I search the whole world wishing I could find you
But I end up watching you still in my mind
I try my best to live up by your words
But I end up following the words of demons
I wish I could count the stars
But I end up counting my problems and pains
I try, yes I try my best to be beautiful and strong
But I find myself drowning in the ocean of sadness
Because at this time, I’m not okay for you’re not there with me
And I’m left all alone filled with silent tears

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( voice from heaven )

I know you’re strong, beautiful and not alone
For I’m there with you
For I can hear your voice and see your tears
And I promise to never leave your side
So, Don’t cry for me, now I’m gone
But I’m still not dead for I live in your heart
Now, go in peace and follow your heart
And dry away that silent tears ….

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I don’t know what it feels like losing someone but I do know loss of someone isn’t the loss of love. Four months ago,I got a call from my friend and we blabbered about random stufffs. And then suddenly, I came across the news of death of one of my friend’s mother . My heart was in tangels now, and I found myself shattered. Just one question from myself–It’s been one year and how could I not know about this. I didn’t even had courage to call and ask her how was she doing? My heart felt apart for I wasn’t there with her when she needed someone. I had thousands of questions in my mind. I mean, she did everything she could possibly do for me but how about me ? I couldn’t even ask her how was she doing. I know, Death is inevitable and one who knows how to accept it is the one who knows the law of life and death. But I guess, it’s not pretty easy to do so. Well, it’s not just she. Last month, I heard about death of my mother’s friend and I again fell in the sea of same questions. What it’s like for a 5 year and 13 year old children losing their dear ones ? There are millions of cases like this, where children and teenagers face the lose of their loved ones. I don’t expect much but yes, we can surely be with them instead of looking down at them.

I don’t know the purpose of writing this maybe, I just want to thank my mom and my life for everything I recieved. Moreover, I appreciate the strength of everyone who faced loss in this pandemic……….. (I don’t prefer writing about something so personal but I was selfish and I just wished my mind to be in peace) . Thank you for reading 🙏🤗

-Aanchal Parmar